Kate Garraway has admitted that she might have to ‘fall in love again’ with Derek Draper while she later comforted her sobbing husband who said he wanted to ‘die’ in her emotional documentary Finding Derek.
The Good Morning Britain presenter, 53, filmed every step of Derek’s year long battle with COVID-19 following his hospitalisation with the respiratory illness in March 2020 with the fly-on-the-wall programme aired on Tuesday.
During the emotional hour-long documentary, Kate looked towards the future with Derek, 53, as she admitted: ‘There’s been times where I’ve thought: “Am I actually grieving for the person I’m married to or am I fighting to hold onto that person?”‘
The documentary, filmed at the height of the coronavirus pandemic, focused on Derek’s plight after falling gravely ill with the virus and Kate’s desperate battle to care for her husband while planning for an uncertain future.
Heartbreaking: Kate Garraway has admitted that she might have to ‘fall in love again’ with Derek Draper while she later comforted her sobbing husband who said he wanted to ‘die’ in her emotional documentary Finding Derek
In heartbreaking footage filmed from November 2020, Kate was asked whether she would be okay if her husband is ‘not her Derek’ once he is out of hospital.
To which the presenter admitted: ‘Well, he is still Derek, he is still him… he is still that person that you love, but he will behave differently and will be physically different.
‘Will I be okay? I wont be delighted because I wouldn’t wish that on him, very tough on us both, but he is for better or worse…’
Reflecting on their future, Kate continued: ‘It might be a rather beautiful thing, trying to look at it as a rather beautiful thing. I feel as though we might have to fall in love again – find out who each other are now a little bit.’
Emotional: The Good Morning Britain presenter, 53, filmed every step of Derek’s, pictured, year long battle with COVID-19 following his hospitalisation with the respiratory illness in March 2020 with the fly-on-the-wall programme aired on Tuesday
Kate then met with a clinical psychologist who works intensive care units as they discussed what the future could look like for Derek and what he might go through as he adapts to life back home.
The medical professional noted that from a ‘psychological perspective’, a quarter of patients have trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), low moods and anxiety, as well as memory, attention and concentration difficulties.
Kate admitted that she was trying to ‘piece together’ the life they had before but it was ‘quite complicated’ to which the psychologist noted there is no ‘straight answer’.
The presenter said: ‘There’s been times where I’ve thought: “Am I actually grieving for the person I’m married to or am I fighting to hold onto that person?” Should I be trying to fight to hold onto that person or should I be trying to adjust?’
To which the psychologist noted that loved ones are in a ‘powerless position’ as they are looking for things they recognise in patients to ‘give hope’ as life does keep going on around them.
In a heartbreaking moment during the documentary, filmed in November, Kate spoke to husband Derek over FaceTime where he broke down in tears and said he wanted to ‘die’.
Future: During the emotional hour-long documentary, Kate looked towards the future with Derek, 53, as she noted that they may have to ‘fall in love again’ once he returns home which would be a ‘beautiful thing’
Prior to this, Kate had shown footage of Derek following his return to consciousness in July, four months after his admission to intensive care, where he had mouthed the word ‘pain – his first verbal communication since being stricken with coronavirus. He later cried in a video of him ‘responding’, to which she said: ‘We’ve got him back!’
However, in emotional footage filmed in November, Kate admitted: ‘In many ways Derek is showing signs of improvement, his mental state is worryingly unpredictable.’
During a FaceTime call from hospital, Derek broke down in tears as he said he wanted to ‘die’ as he doesn’t know ‘how to cope’ to which Kate insisted: ‘I promised you I will save you and I’m going to save you.’
The former lobbyist and political advisor said: ‘There’s no way out…’ to which Kate replied: ‘What do you mean, there’s no way out of what?’
Derek added: ‘I’m at the point, f**k it, just f**k it’ with Kate asking: ‘As in die?’ to which her husband emotional admitted: ‘Yes.’
Kate fired back with: ‘No no’ with Derek adding: ‘I don’t know how to cope, I don’t know how to cope.’
Sad: In heartbreaking footage filmed from November 2020, Kate was asked whether she would be okay if her husband is ‘not her Derek’ once he is out of hospital
Reassuring her husband, the presenter continued: ‘You don’t know how to cope with it? Okay… I know you feel like you’re trapped in your head and it must be terrifying.
‘But you’re coming home, you’re coming back to your life and you will be the person even better than you were before. You will be.
‘I will find a way to make it better, okay? I promised you I will save you and I’m going to save you. I will find a way but you just have to hang in there, okay?’
Talking in a scene filmed after, Kate said: ‘You’ll have a step forward, two steps back you’ll have what seems like a huge breakthrough, and then the next minute, he sort of mouths: “Sorry, goodbye.”
‘I’m saying: “You’re not going to die, you’re not going to die, you’re not going to die. We’ve just got to get through it.’
During the fly-on-the-wall documentary, Kate and Derek’s children Darcey, 15, and Billy, 11, also spoke about their father’s recovery as it showed emotional footage of them FaceTiming their father in hospital.
In footage filmed over the summer, Darcey admitted that she has not ‘thought the worse’ while Billy noted that they don’t know whether he will ‘get better or not’.
Darcey said: ‘I’ve not really thought the worse, I’ve always said he’s going to get better, he’s going to get back – all of this stuff.
‘They say that we’ve heard rumours he will get back, hopefully, before the end of next year but we really don’t know at all.’
Billy then showed off his Lego collection from his birthday, he said: ‘Dad usually does Lego with me the most but since dad is not here… I’ve started to do it myself.’
Billy joked that Derek is a ‘big kid’, he added: ‘I really want him back but we don’t know if he’s going to get better or not. So…’
Darcey was then asked whether they expected their father to return home for Christmas. The family were later able to visit Derek over the festive period, it was the first time they had all seen him since he was hospitalised.
She said: ‘I hope so… it’s hard, he might still be hooked up to things he needs to help him survive.’
Darcey was asked by the interviewer whether it was ‘scary’ seeing her father in hospital, to which she said: ‘I mean it’s not really scary, it looks scary. It’s just scary in the way of thinking we might lose him.’
Kate noted: ‘Derek is probably the cleverest person I’ve ever met with a kind of incredible ability of precise thinking, analysis, humour and everything. You just think… is that gone? Is he going to be able to come back or will he be alive but no longer the person he was?’
Later in the documentary, in scenes filmed in February, Kate reflected on their Christmas time together, she said: ‘We were very lucky that Darcey and Billy and I got to spend time with Derek.
‘Really good, we played Frustration [game] and he remembered the rules. He remembered the rules of Frustration, you played it with him [Billy]. Quite unbelievable, Bill didn’t let him win!’
‘It was really lovely, lots of things used to do with him that can still be done, but it’s also a reminder of how far there is to go.’
Elsewhere during the documentary, it showed footage filmed in August 2020 when Kate first returned back to work at Good Morning Britain amid Derek’s battle.
Kate was reunited with her co-host Ben Shephard as he praised her for her ‘positivity’ but admitted he was scared that she could ‘crash’ at some point in the future.
Ben, 46, said: ‘Our relationship goes back 20 years when we first started working together at GMTV and we have been through everything together.’
He continued: ‘Kate is brilliant at sharing what she is going through, she has always been really aware that people could very easily think she’s looking for sympathy, that she’s looking for support, she’s not at all.
‘It’s not just her going through this. But if her voice can represent some of those families that can’t be heard like she can be heard, hopefully it can make a huge difference down the line.’
‘It’s testament to who she is, her strength of character, positivity, her brilliance she has got this far and managed it so well.
‘I just keep thinking at some point there’s going to be a huge crash, that at some point, maybe, hopefully… we have a big move in how Derek is with his recovery or Derek comes home. It’s going to hit her, what she has been through.’
The documentary then showed footage of Derek breaking down in tears and mouthing the word ‘pain’ after waking from his coma.
Derek was overcome with emotion after Kate video-called him following his return to consciousness in July, four months after his admission to intensive care.
‘He’s back,’ Kate said. ‘We’ve been waiting a long time to speak to you. I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of you.’
The former lobbyist and political advisor was also given the opportunity to speak to children Darcey and Billy via FaceTime, with his youngest showing off a Millennium Falcon constructed from Lego bricks especially for his return.
Kate added in a separate part of the milestone: ‘So that’s the first time he’s showed any empotion, which is huge. He’s got to find that confidence he can do it now, he can claw his way out of it. He’s definitely present, you can see it in his eyes… every time a little bit more of him.’
In further scenes filmed in October, the heartbroken presenter could only watch powerlessly as Derek mouthed the word ‘pain’ – his first verbal communication since being stricken with coronavirus.
Another moving clip from the documentary saw Kate recalling the moment she was told to ‘get out’ of her relationship with Derek, as his condition worsened.
Heartbreaking: The documentary, filmed at the height of the coronavirus pandemic, focused on Derek’s plight after falling gravely ill with the virus and Kate’s desperate battle to care for her husband while planning for an uncertain future
Kate also met with a community nurse who contracted coronavirus in May 2020 and is still unable to work as they battle with effects on their body.
Talking after meeting up, the presenter said: ‘I just fear for a future and pandemic of mental ill health. Anxiety in itself makes you ill. A very tough future ahead I think at this point.’
She also spoke to a woman called Julie whose husband Steve contracted coronavirus in March 2020, as well as his twin brother Bobby. Steve is still in hospital nearly a year on while Bobby has been discharged.
Giving his advice to both Julie and Kate over a video call, Bobby said: ‘The only medication is love, most powerful thing you can have.’
Elsewhere in the documentary Kate admitted she was stunned after a well meaning friend suggested she could back out of her marriage to Derek because his current predicament ‘wasn’t what she signed up for.’
Addressing the camera, she revealed: ‘Somebody said to me the other day, “You are allowed to say this isn’t what I signed up for and get out.” And I was like, “Oh my god.”
‘I mean, I know they meant it weirdly kindly, as if almost giving me license. But I said, “I can’t think that! He’s in there!”‘
In November, Kate met with an occupational therapist as they discussed the layout of their home and prepared it for Derek’s return.
The footage showed the presenter making their North London property wheelchair accessible and installed a hospital bed in the lounge as the virus has damaged the former lobbyist’s muscles.
The broadcaster transformed the ground floor of their house last year as she hoped the author would have recovered before the third lockdown, but sadly, his condition hasn’t improved.
Talking about the works at their home, Kate said: ‘If I have to give up work to care for him, then best to do it now… while I’m earning money.
‘If he needs 24hr care, I will be the primary carer, I have a fear of the reality of that life it’s a completely different dynamic to our relationship.’
However it’s understood that the presenter has no plans to step down from her role at Good Morning Britain as Derek continues his slow recovery.
A spokesperson told MailOnline: ‘Kate will not be giving up her role on GMB, in fact, her job has been something of a lifeline and really kept her spirits up over this past year and she has no plans to change that.’
At the end of the documentary, Kate was surprised with a phone call from Elton John as he said: ‘I pray for him every night. He’s in my prayers and you, your family. He’s an amazing man, please give him my love,’ Kate added that Billy has said Elton’s Rocket Man is a ‘really good’ song for Derek’s recovery.
In footage from February, Kate said: ‘I’ve never loved Derek more or feared losing him more.’
She added: ‘I say to him, you believe you’ll get better don’t you, because you will, very forcefully positive and he says: “Yes.”
‘So I say: “What is it then?” and he says: “It’s the how, it’s the how.” I know completely what he means by that, he has a sense he’s in there, he has Derek in his head but how to get it out. How to go back to the life.’
At the end of the documentary, it revealed that Derek’s rehabilitation is continuing and that ‘doctors have extended the option of keeping him in hospital until December 2021.’
In an emotional ending, it showed one last FaceTime footage between Derek and Kate where he said: ‘Thank you, I love you forever and a day.’
To which Kate replies: ‘Oh darling, I love you.’
It comes after Kate discussed her new documentary on Good Morning Britain ahead of its airing on Tuesday evening, where she admitted it was important for her to remain upbeat for the sake of her husband.
She said: ‘The footage you see was recorded by me personally. After six months we got an iPad into the hospital with the idea of bringing him out so I could talk to him while he was in the coma and have some sort of voice recognition.
‘It was so emotional for me. It was all I could do not to fall apart, and give him a positive energy, not a sad energy.’
She added: ‘The moments you see are the moments where he is getting more conscious and can react, and also Derek has devoted his life to mental health since leaving politics because he’s a psychotherapist, so I feel that he would want his journey to be told. He would like to be here telling it with me. ‘
Contact: An emotional Kate was filmed as she video-called her husband from home following his return to consciousness
Support: ‘He’s back,’ Kate says. ‘We’ve been waiting a long time to speak to you. I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of you’
Reflecting on her decision to film the documentary, Kate admitted she wanted to use her platform as a presenter to help those who have been most affected by the virus, which has so far killed 126, 172 people across the United Kingdom.
She said: ‘First of all I do have a job that puts me on the TV and radio and there were many months where I was locked in that bubble that we all have been in because of COVID restrictions and that was a very private time.
‘When I got back to work I was moved by people’s reactions. I was contacted by people who said you’re talking about what I’m going through and it’s so great to hear, not just with COVID but with other long term situations that they are facing with potentially a life loss at the end of it. So this story, I thought I have a chance to tell it where they don’t.’
The presenter also reiterated that she will not walk away from her day job in order to provide round the clock care for Derek when he is released from hospital.
She said: ‘I’m not going anywhere! In fact the reality is, is that ITV and Global and Smooth radio, everybody has been so supportive and to be honest being here has kept me sane.
‘Not just because you’re all amazing supporters but people at home are so supportive and it’s a slice of normal, it’s a slice of life before.
‘The truth is as much as I like to think I have all the answers sometimes, Derek doesn’t need me, I’m not the person to care for him.
DEREK DRAPER’S CORONAVIRUS BATTLE
March 30, 2020: Derek is admitted to a London hospital after testing positive for the novel coronavirus COVID-19, little more than a week after Britain enters its first national lockdown
April 3, 2020: Derek is admitted to intensive care four days after his hospitalisation. As his condition steadily worsens, he falls into a coma.
May 28, 2020: Kate reveals that Derek remains in a coma and is continuing to be cared for by NHS professionals.
June 5, 2020: The presenter tells Good Morning Britain viewers that Derek is “Covid free”, although the family are unsure if he will ever recover from the ravages of the illness.
July 5, 2020: Kate reveals that Derek has finally woken from his coma and has opened his eyes – her first communication with her husband since March
July 13, 2020: Kate resumes her presenting role on Good Morning Britain after taking time off amid Derek’s ongoing illness.
July 14, 2020: Kate tells viewers she is preparing to visit Derek in hospital for the first time.
July 21, 2020: Derek hears Kate’s voice after nurses play Good Morning Britain in his hospital room. During her appearance on the show Kate confirms she is preparing to visit him for a second time.
August 19, 2020: After being absent for three days Kate tells viewers she has tried not to break down after being kept apart from Derek on his 53rd birthday.
September 10, 2020: Kate and Derek remain apart during their milestone 15th Wedding Anniversary , with the presenter unable to visit her husband.
September 11, 2020: Kate reveals Derek is still unable to speak but admits plans to visit him in hospital for a belated anniversary celebration.
September 29, 2020: Derek’s six-month long battle against COVID-19 becomes one of the longest known cases in the United Kingdom.
October 30, 2020: Derek is finally able to communicate verbally after 214 days in hospital. His first word – “pain.”
January 7, 2021: Kate reveals her two children saw Derek for the first time since he fell ill during the Christmas period
Speaking out: Reflecting on her decision to film the documentary, Kate admitted she wanted to use her platform as a presenter to help those who have been most affected by the virus, which has so far killed 126, 172 people across the United Kingdom
Agony: Kate revealed that Derek had woken from his coma in July, almost four months after being admitted to hospital
Let’s talk: Kate discussed the new documentary on Thursday’s edition of Good Morning Britain, where she appeared as a guest alongside Dr. Hilary Jones
‘I will obviously be there completely, 100% if that would make a difference but actually what Derek needs is specialist, professional, medical support ongoing because there is a good chance he can improve but we need to make sure that support is there now for that to happen.
‘Whether that be remaining in hospital or whether that be something else – I would like to be home – but it is not just a case of you know I would want to sit there and hold his hand but people in this situation need expertise and I’m not an expert.’
Despite radical changes to his physical appearance, Kate admitted those who know Lancashire born Derek will be able to see that his personality is still very much present.
She said: ‘There are moments where I think people who know Derek will know he’s there, and for a while that was part of the horror… is he still there?
‘There’s even some Chorley in there. Even COVID can’t take Chorley out of the man!’
Kate also praised the couple’s children for their ability to cope with the unexpected and abrupt change to their home-life over the last 12 months.
‘They are fundamentally extraordinary,’ she said. ‘They have coped tremendously well. They cope with it in their different ways. They’ve both seen the documentary. I was comforted by the fact that they’ve seen a lot of things that may be a shock to others as they’ve spoken to him on FaceTime.
‘They watched it back, and Billy said ”I can’t believe they got me on the trampoline before I mastered a backflip!” When he said that, I realised we were OK. It’s a compliment to Derek as he’s instilled so much confidence in them.’
She added: ‘This time yesterday last year, terrible things happened. It’s affected everyone in different ways. We’ve all been through something, so hopefully we can stick together. Please realise we are still smiling. Love to all of you, and love to Derek.’
Adjustment: The new documentary, filmed at the height of the coronavirus pandemic, will focus on Derek’s plight after falling gravely ill with the virus and Kate’s desperate battle to care for her husband while planning for an uncertain future
Staying on: The presenter also confirmed she has no plans to step down from her day job in order to provide round the clock care for Derek when he is released from hospital
Old times: Kate and Derek exchanged vows in Camden in 2005. The presenter was previously married to ITV Meridian boss Ian Rumsey from 1998 to 2002
She’s off: Kate smiled at onlookers as she arrived at Global radio studios following her appearance on Good Morning Britain
Harrowing: Kate previously recalled the ‘devastating’ moment her husband Derek Draper told her he feared he couldn’t go on while he was in hospital with coronavirus
Tough: The TV presenter spoke to her husband on the phone from hospital where he has spent months in intensive care as he battles the virus
Low point: In a clip from her new documentary, Kate said it was ‘terrible’ to think her husband had reached such a low point
Kate previously recalled the ‘devastating’ moment her husband told her he feared he couldn’t go on while he was in hospital with coronavirus.
The presenter told The Mirror: ‘After that call, it was then time to go into GMB and go on air, having been up all night, it was a tough night actually.
‘But everyone at ITV has been so incredibly supportive. I managed to get through. During this whole time, working on GMB and Smooth Radio has helped me to keep going and keep my spirits up.’
Doting mother: In the clip, Kate then told her husband that he will get better and that he will come back to his old life with her and their children
While Covid is no longer in Derek’s system, the virus left him battling kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure and damage to his pancreas.
Kate added: ‘And in the end, I said to him, “Just stay with me, I’m going to keep talking to you”. And he was obviously exhausted. Because that’s the other thing, is that the tiniest thing completely exhausts him.’
The broadcaster said that even Derek voicing his feelings like that would have taken a huge amount out of him as he has such little energy.
Kate spoke to her husband on the drive into work that day and then told the doctor’s to put on Good Morning Britain so he could see her.
Heartbreaking: Viewers then see Kate vowing to save Derek as she helped to bring him back from his lowest point back in November (pictured together prior to Derek’s coronavirus battle)
The presenter first invited a film crew into her home last September with the hope that the film would end with Derek returning home.
But seven months later, the documentary will instead focus on Derek’s year in hospital as well as the many months of recovery that are left.
Derek has lost eight stone amid his health battle with Kate revealing the children have not seen him in person at all this year.
She added the kids did visit Derek over Christmas and described it as a ‘shock’ to see the physical change in him.
Kate has made the ground floor of her home wheelchair accessible and is looking ahead to visiting Derek in hospital as soon as lockdown is eased.
Tragic: Derek was admitted to hospital in March after contracting the respiratory illness and was subsequently placed in a medically induced coma before he awoke in July (pictured in hospital)
Kate, who acknowledges there is still a long way to go in Derek’s road to recovery, thinks the couple’s relationship may be changed forever.
The presenter said he will behave differently and be physically different but she thinks his return may be a ‘beautiful thing’ as they will have the chance to fall in love all over again.
During an appearance on The One Show on Thursday, Kate said Derek is ‘trapped in the middle ground’ as he is sometimes able to communicate with her before slipping out of consciousness.
Kate said: ‘One of things I’m here to talk about is the documentary and what you will see is that this time last year, I was, like a lot of us, wondering what was coming our way.
‘I was fearing the worst, on air reading headlines about the earliest cases of people contracting coronavirus and then I suddenly found myself right in the middle of it.
Finding Derek: Viewers will see Kate speaking to Derek as he tells her he feels like there is ‘no way out’ and he has got to the point where he no longer knows how to cope
‘And I’d say there was weeks and months of living minute by minute, wondering if I was going to get the call to say whether he lived or died.’
Kate went on to explain that while Derek has survived COVID, he is ‘trapped in the middle ground’.
Derek was admitted to hospital in March after contracting the respiratory illness and was subsequently placed in a medically induced coma before he awoke in July.
She said: ‘Derek is an extreme case, he has a prolonged disorder of consciousness which means that there is some reaction.
‘It’s not like what we see in movies where people are lying in a vegetative state, you know you can look at his eyes and before Christmas there was a lot of progress with some words and communication.’
Sad: Kate – who shares Darcey, 15, and William, 11, (pictured in 2019) with her husband of 15 years – admitted it is ‘shocking’ to see his current state, including his eight stone weight loss
Derek is considered to be the longest surviving COVID-19 patient in the country.
On more than one occasion his heart stopped beating, he battled bacterial pneumonia and fought multiple infections which punctured holes in his lungs.
Kate said: ‘What I feel like is that I’m on a life boat somehow and he’s coming up and down. You’re on this precipice trying to hold onto him.
‘There’ll be moments where he bubbles up and you have contact with him on FaceTime because of the Covid restrictions.
‘It feels like you’re going to have to fill him with so much positivity because he’s going to sink down.’
The GMB host said there will be ‘heartbreaking moments’ in the documentary, as when he does regain consciousness, viewers will see ‘what must be agony for him’.
Kate continued: ‘His brain has always been his best friend. Suddenly his brain is no longer his best friend and he’s fighting to get out.It’s very, very tough. But if it’s tough for me, it must be tougher for him.’
Kate Garraway: Finding Derek aired on ITV on Tuesday at 9pm.
Health battle: While Covid is no longer in Derek’s system, the virus left him battling kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure and damage to his pancreas
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