Former Real Housewives Of Orange County star Kara Keough Bosworth gave birth to her second child, a son, McCoy on April 6 and on April 12 he died from birth complications.
To mark what would have been a milestone for the newborn, when he would have turned two months old, the 31-year-old penned a sweet and heartbreaking tribute to her late son on Saturday.
The former reality star wrote about moments she thought she would be sharing with her son at this point in his life, and gave a glimpse into her much different reality.
What would have been: Kara Keough Bosworth penned an emotional tribute to her late son McCoy on what would have been his two month old milestone, she shared to Instagram on Saturday
‘You would have been two months old today,’ Kara wrote alongside a photo of baby McCoy from the hospital. ‘You’d have found your favorite pacifier by now.’
‘I’d be grateful that I was finally able to get those first (beautiful) 6+ hour stretches of sleep,’ she continued. ‘That make me feel like a Disney Princess with birds tweeting above my head.’
But rather than savoring every extra hour of sleep as her newborn learned to sleep through the night, she said sleeping was better than her reality.
Saying: ‘Instead, I’m clocking in 12+ hours every night because sleeping is decidedly easier than my waking hours.’
Always with us:Paying tribute to what milestones and accomplishments her son would have made by now she also a glimpse into the grief she is feeling saying: ‘Instead, I’m clocking in 12+ hours every night because sleeping is decidedly easier than my waking hours’
Giving fans a small glimpse into the pain and mourning her family is experience she said ‘We should be cleaning up your blowouts, instead we’re dealing with our own shit.’
She continued to say what should have been a joyous time was pulling on her heart for a more tragic reason.
‘At this point, you would be finding your voice – squawking and squealing and making our hearts explode,’ Kara wrote. ‘Our hearts have still detonated, but for different reasons.’
She ended the heart-wrenching post by explaining small comforts she finds in things that remind her of her son.
Never forget: Kara has promised she will keep her son’s memory alive for his sister Decker, four
‘I should be looking at your face for most of my day, instead I have to search for you elsewhere,’ she wrote. ‘I see you in songs, in the sky, in the sea, in your sister’s face, in your daddy’s arms.’
‘I’ll keep looking for you for as long as I live,’ she concluded the post. ‘Being without you is hard, but being your mom is one of my favorite things about myself. I love you, McCoy Casey.’
Baby McCoy was Kara’s second child with husband Kyle Bosworth, they share daughter Decker, four.
Since the family’s tragic loss, Kara has been open about her grief, finding comfort in a doll that is weighted to McCoy’s at birth, and a small tattoo she got in his honor.
Last month, posting an update, Kara showed off the design, an M, made with traditional tattoo ink and some of McCoy’s ashes, while holding a teddy bear with a ribbon bearing her son’s name.
Trauma: Talking to Good Morning America in May , Kara said she was ‘literally begging God to save my baby’ as she fought to push out her son with the help of a licensed midwife
She wrote: ‘This bear weighs exactly 11 pounds and 4 ounces. Exactly the size of the hole in my heart. But thanks to this thoughtful gift, my arms don’t feel so painfully empty.
‘I can’t quite articulate how much carrying the exact weight of McCoy against my body grounds me. I think my physical need for him will be there forever, ‘ she wrote.
Adding: ‘Also feeling thankful for my new (first) tattoo, with my son’s ashes in the ink… so that my baby can be with me always. He can stay forever in my arms this way, in the place he last rested.
The post comes after Kara promised she would keep her son’s memory alive for his older sister Decker, four.
Siblings: Kara made sure that her daughter Decker got to meet her baby brother even as he lay in hospital with severe brain damage with no hope of recovery
Taking to Instagram on May 14, she wrote: ‘I promise that this girl will hear about her baby brother. She will love him. She will miss him. When people ask how many kids I have, she will hear an answer that includes McCoy. She’ll hear me wishing him a “goodnight” and saying “I love you” when I tuck her in.’
She went on: ‘He was here. He matters. And saying his name will always make my heart leap for joy. It might hurt for awhile, too, maybe forever. But it’ll also bring happiness and pride.’
Kara concluded: ‘I will always be Decker & McCoy’s mama. For as long as I’m living, my babies they’ll be.’
Talking to Good Morning America , Kara said she was ‘literally begging God to save my baby’ as she fought ‘a Herculean effort’ for nine minutes to push out her son with the help of a licensed midwife.
Love: She and husband Kyle Bosworth said goodbye to their son six days after his birth and decided to donate his organs to help others
She had committed to an unmedicated delivery and entered a birthing pool during labor with her husband Kyle by her side.
When it came time to push, the baby got stuck after his head was delivered, a condition known as shoulder dystocia, and it caused his umbilical cord to be compressed, cutting off his oxygen supply and causing devastating brain damage.
The midwife called 911 when it became apparent the infant was not breathing and he was rushed to hospital.
Although medics managed to get his heart beating again, the newborn suffered traumatic brain damage and couldn’t be saved.
Kara is the daughter of Jeana Keough who was a housewife on RHOC from season one to five and continued to make friend or guest appearances on the Bravo show up until season 12.