England’s WORST place to live: Peterborough tops the insalubrious list of ‘cr*p towns’

It is often said that home is where the heart is.

But the opposite appears to be true for the inhabitants of these ten towns and cities, as they were revealed as the top entrants in a list of England’s worst place to live.

The new league table of ‘cr*p towns’ by website ILiveHere.co.uk reveals the areas branded ‘grotty’ and ‘run-down’ by not-so-proud residents.

Almost 50,000 people responded to the survey, which is carried out every year.

A spokesman for ILiveHere said: ‘Several top ten perennials have fallen off the list this year and a new entry taken the coveted crown.

‘But it is our role to offending local councillors, dignitaries and meddlesome ratbags – as well as ruining the trade of slime-ball lying estate agents.

‘It makes our day when they try to deny being in the new Top Ten, desperately trying to polish a t**d of a town.’

So what towns and cities made the list? Find out below… 

1. Peterborough

Top of the pile, somewhat surprisingly, is one of the country’s oldest cities and home to one of its finest cathedrals.

Despite attractions such as a Bronze Age village and the Burghley House stately home, Peterborough has failed to impress its 200,000 dwellers.

Critics have voted it into the top spot of the annual list for the first time, with one describing it as ‘the biggest dump in England with aggressive and inbred residents’. 

Another critic warned: ‘You feel totally isolated from the rest of the world and life in general, as though everything else is going on and you’re not part of it as you’re stuck in this dump. Take a trip into the town centre and it’s like walking onto the set of the ‘Walking Dead’ – every manner of inbred mutant adorns the streets.

Despite attractions such as a Bronze Age village and the Burghley House stately home, Peterborough has failed to impress its 200,000 dwellers

Despite attractions such as a Bronze Age village and the Burghley House stately home, Peterborough has failed to impress its 200,000 dwellers

Despite attractions such as a Bronze Age village and the Burghley House stately home, Peterborough has failed to impress its 200,000 dwellers

2. Huddersfield

‘There’s nothing but pound shops and a few coffee shops. It’s polluted, unclean, full of idiots and a horrible place to live.’

Another local said: ‘It’s a rough, boring, chavvy, craphole. For a demonstration of the chav scooterists trying to impress the scummy lady chavs, simply go and look in Morrisons car park from 7pm onwards – thousands of the cretins, unfortunately they never seem to fall off. In short if you like your car windows, teeth, kneecaps etc. then avoid this s******e like you would a man with leprosy! You have been warned.’

Huddersfield failed to impress its residents, coming in at second place due to its high street of 'pound shops and coffee shops'

Huddersfield failed to impress its residents, coming in at second place due to its high street of 'pound shops and coffee shops'

Huddersfield failed to impress its residents, coming in at second place due to its high street of ‘pound shops and coffee shops’

3. Rochdale

A critic wrote: ‘Take in the smells – the strong whiff of tobacco and fatty foods with subtle hints of exhaust fumes, sweat and damp vegetables from the market area – and see if you can detect a undertone of vomit, Karate aftershave and old cheese.

‘No need to hide the rolls of fat around your midriff, no need to bother with personal hygiene or inconveniences such as makeup or combs. You are now standing in the centre of the universe. Breath deep my friend, soak it up. Then make your choice – leave fast or stay forever.’

And another said: ‘Welcome to the cesspit of the universe, where evolution took a break and spat out this breed of useless slack-jawed yokels with less IQ than a glass of water.

‘If you have a choice – visit Rochdale or have your gonads beaten 800 times with a rusty sledgehammer wielded by a German bodybuilder – I’ll get the hammer.’

A large town in Greater Manchester, Rochdale takes third place in the list, with critics terming it the 'cesspit of the universe'

A large town in Greater Manchester, Rochdale takes third place in the list, with critics terming it the 'cesspit of the universe'

A large town in Greater Manchester, Rochdale takes third place in the list, with critics terming it the ‘cesspit of the universe’

4. Doncaster

‘You’ve probably been forced to pass here on the train at some time in your life and seen all the attractions such as smack and rat-infested flats.’

Another added: ‘Ah Doncaster, that s**t-hole surrounded by other s**t-holes like Hull, Barnsley, Pontefract, Scunthorpe and Rotherham.

‘A night out in Donny is magical, with bums sitting on steps drinking White Lightning near the old strip club or the Jobcentre, and chavvettes with near nothing on, looking to volunteer to contribute to Doncaster’s rising pregnancy rate.’

Doncaster's famous minster wasn't able to stop it from sliding into fourth place in the list of England's worst places to live

Doncaster's famous minster wasn't able to stop it from sliding into fourth place in the list of England's worst places to live

Doncaster’s famous minster wasn’t able to stop it from sliding into fourth place in the list of England’s worst places to live

5. Hull

Hull has made the top 10 every year since 2005 and is three-times overall winner – so this is possibly an improvement.

One critic said: ‘I was born and bred in Hull and can honestly say it’s a dump. Just spend ten minutes outside the Maternity Unit at Hull Royal Infirmary. 

‘Watch in amazement as 15 year-old Courtney shouts at her three kids to “f**king get back ‘ere or I’ll f**king bray yer” as she chain smokes her fag before re-entering the building to spit out another “no-known dad” baby…’

Hull has made the top 10 every year since 2005 and is three-times overall winner - so this is possibly an improvement

Hull has made the top 10 every year since 2005 and is three-times overall winner - so this is possibly an improvement

Hull has made the top 10 every year since 2005 and is three-times overall winner – so this is possibly an improvement

6. Rotherham

Rotherham is described as ‘a worthy nomination’ by one critic: ‘I think I’ll head off somewhere else and get away from it all. I put as much distance between me and the population as possible after that first visit.’

‘I stopped going into the town centre – there was just no point because I like a pint without violence.

‘After a year of reading headlines in the Rotherham Advertiser like “Chip pan fire guts house”, “Body found outside takeaway’ and “Asbo granddad at it again” I decided I didn’t fit in and moved away.’

Rotherham is described as 'a worthy nomination' by one critic, who added that the town centre was not worth if you like your a pint 'without violence'

Rotherham is described as 'a worthy nomination' by one critic, who added that the town centre was not worth if you like your a pint 'without violence'

Rotherham is described as ‘a worthy nomination’ by one critic, who added that the town centre was not worth if you like your a pint ‘without violence’

7. Blackpool

Describing itself as the entertainment capital of the North, it was once famed for its golden mile but now according to locals, conjures up images of drunken stags and hens, falling over in the street and spewing on themselves, before retiring to a grotty seaside.

‘Just walking around the town centre and seeing the result of years of inbreeding is an ordeal – we try to avoid the place unless absolutely necessary. The best thing about Blackpool is the M55 out.

‘While in Blackpool all you smell is weed, McDonald’s, KFC – you may think it’s a jolly seaside resort with candy floss and donkeys but it’s a scum-bucket for the transients who come here to draw benefits in a holiday resort instead of in an inner city.’

Blackpool describes itself as the entertainment capital of the North and was once famed for its golden mile but now, according to locals, conjures up images of drunken stags and hens

Blackpool describes itself as the entertainment capital of the North and was once famed for its golden mile but now, according to locals, conjures up images of drunken stags and hens

Blackpool describes itself as the entertainment capital of the North and was once famed for its golden mile but now, according to locals, conjures up images of drunken stags and hens

8. Castleford

One local reported: ‘Recent highly scientific research – walking down the high street – revealed that one in three inhabitants under the age of 30 fits neatly into the chav box.

‘In a town where everybody is a blood relative of the person next to them, you have to wonder whether the chavdom stems from bad breeding, or in the case of Castleford, possible interbreeding.’

‘A trip to Castleford is a real eye opener – and you need to keep your eyes open because if you dare to close them, they’d have your wallet faster than you could say XR3i.

‘If someone wanted to give Yorkshire an enema, this is where they’d stick the tube.’

Castleford is a town in West Yorkshire. Critics claim a trip to the town is a real eye opener'

Castleford is a town in West Yorkshire. Critics claim a trip to the town is a real eye opener'

Castleford is a town in West Yorkshire. Critics claim a trip to the town is a real eye opener’

9. Oldham

The guide claims: ‘This Greater Manchester town conjures up images of shaven-headed gentlemen discussing the political issues of the day in a flat roof pub like the one in the TV show Shameless and the reality is only slightly different.

‘The people of Oldham look as though the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area.’

Another added: ‘If you want culture and sophistication, then look no further than Yorkshire Street and the local shopping centres, where Sports Direct is the new Hugo Boss and TJ Hughes is the new Harrods.’

Oldham is a large town in Greater Manchester, but according to one resident, it looks as though 'the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area'

Oldham is a large town in Greater Manchester, but according to one resident, it looks as though 'the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area'

Oldham is a large town in Greater Manchester, but according to one resident, it looks as though ‘the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area’

10. Blackburn

‘The estates make Syria look calm. You can guarantee that if you dare to walk down these down-trodden, dogs**t-ridden estates – and mind the needles – you will spot the inhabitants walking freely in dressing gowns, fluffy slippers and in the case of women, undoubtedly pregnant, with a fag in their gob going to pick up another free prescription from the clap clinic.’

‘Drug dealers, dole wasters, bums, guttersnipes, fallen women, young slappers and their steroid-pumped teenage boyfriends. It’s a nightmare – a cross between Shameless and the Star Wars canteen.’ 

Blackburn has faced several social issues in the 20th and 21st centuries, including deindustrialisation, economic deprivation and housing issues

Blackburn has faced several social issues in the 20th and 21st centuries, including deindustrialisation, economic deprivation and housing issues

Blackburn has faced several social issues in the 20th and 21st centuries, including deindustrialisation, economic deprivation and housing issues

And what about the BEST places to live in the UK? Top 50 are revealed 

By Myra Butterworth 

An isolated group of islands off the north east of Scotland that are famed for their spectacular landscapes have been named as the best place to live in Britain.

The Orkney Islands were given the title after scoring well on several factors. These include high employment levels, a low crime rate, strong exam results, smaller primary class sizes and good levels of health and happiness.

It has finally been crowned the best to place to live after being the runner-up in the Halifax quality of life survey for the past two years.

Richmondshire in North Yorkshire took second place this year, up from ninth place, followed by Rutland in the East Midlands, Hambleton in North Yorkshire and Eden in Cumbria in fifth place.

The Orkney Islands were named the best place to live in the annual Halifax survey

The Orkney Islands were named the best place to live in the annual Halifax survey

The Orkney Islands were named the best place to live in the annual Halifax survey

Fishing boats at Stromness, Orkney Island

Fishing boats at Stromness, Orkney Island

Fishing boats at Stromness, Orkney Island

More than half of the top 50 best places to live in Britain are outside of the South of England, with eight in the East, including St Albans in ninth place, East Hertfordshire in 14th place and Uttlesford ranked 18th.

The East Midlands, West Midlands and Yorkshire and the Humber each have five areas, including Rutland, Hambleton, Ryedale and the Derbyshire Dales.

The North West and Scotland both have two areas – Eden, Ribble Valley, Orkney and Shetland – while Wales has one – Monmouthshire.

The South East has the most areas in the top 50 with 18. These include South Oxfordshire, Vale of White Horse, Waverley and last year’s best place to live Hart, which is now ranked thirteenth.

London has just two areas in the top 50 – Westminster and Richmond-upon-Thames – and the South West one – the Cotswolds.

THE TOP 50 PLACES TO LIVE IN BRITAIN
Local Authority Region 2017 Rankings 2019 Rankings Movement
Orkney Scotland 2 1 1
Richmondshire Yorkshire and The Humber 9 2 7
Rutland East Midlands 3 3 0
Hambleton Yorkshire and The Humber 28 4 24
Eden North West 33 5 28
South Oxfordshire South East 14 6 8
Cotswold South West 46 7 39
Ryedale Yorkshire and The Humber 12 8 4
St Albans East of England 15 9 6
Derbyshire Dales East Midlands 75 10 65
Vale of White Horse South East 62 11 51
Waverley South East 7 12 -5
Hart South East 1 13 -12
East Hertfordshire East of England 17 14 3
Westminster London 13 15 -2
Winchester South East 5 16 -11
Rushmoor South East 125 17 108
Uttlesford East of England 11 18 -7
Wychavon West Midlands 4 19 -15
Harborough East Midlands 31 20 11
South Cambridgeshire East of England 35 21 14
Rushcliffe East Midlands 56 22 34
Ribble Valley North West 83 23 60
Surrey Heath South East 104 24 80
Wokingham South East 6 25 -19
Harrogate Yorkshire and The Humber 27 26 1
Babergh East of England 41 27 14
West Oxfordshire South East 29 28 1
South Bucks South East 64 29 35
Windsor and Maidenhead South East 38 30 8
Warwick West Midlands 65 31 34
Elmbridge South East 92 32 60
Chichester South East 40 33 7
Stratford-on-Avon West Midlands 10 34 -24
Lichfield West Midlands 30 35 -5
Malvern Hills West Midlands 57 36 21
Rochford East of England 162 37 125
Chiltern South East 19 38 -19
Shetland Scotland 71 39 32
Richmond upon Thames London 36 40 -4
West Berkshire South East 63 41 22
Basingstoke and Deane South East 54 42 12
South Hams South West 66 43 23
Fareham South East 80 44 36
St Edmundsbury East of England 22 45 -23
Wycombe South East 45 46 -1
Mid Suffolk East of England 77 47 30
Monmouthshire Wales 32 48 -16
Daventry East Midlands 134 49 85
Selby Yorkshire and The Humber 21 50 -29
Source: Halifax January 2019       
The Cotswolds have been ranked seventh in the survey of the best places to live

The Cotswolds have been ranked seventh in the survey of the best places to live

The Cotswolds have been ranked seventh in the survey of the best places to live

Richmondshire in North Yorkshire moves into second place from ninth in 2017, a position boosted by high scores in wellbeing, which includes happiness and low anxiety.

It also scores well on a low crime rate, traffic flows, population density and primary class size.

It also has one of the highest ratios of pubs to population, which is an added attraction for those visiting the Yorkshire Dales.

There continues to be a clear distinction between the South and North of the country, with local authority districts in the South being particularly strong on employment and average earnings and long life expectancy.

In the North, most areas have relatively better housing affordability conditions with a low house price to earnings ratio.

Rutland in the East Midlands also scored well in the survey and is ranked in third place

Rutland in the East Midlands also scored well in the survey and is ranked in third place

Rutland in the East Midlands also scored well in the survey and is ranked in third place

They also benefit from urban environment factors such as low traffic flows, crime rates and few people per square kilometre. 

Russell Galley, managing director of Halifax, said: ‘Orkney has consistently been considered one of the best places to live in the UK and Orcadians will be delighted to hear they have now taken the crown. 

‘Its remote location may not be for everyone, but this comes with the benefit of having high employment, low crime rates, smaller class sizes and more affordable housing.

‘While the South East continues to have the most locations in the top 50, we’ve seen Northern areas perform particularly well on education while they also benefit from lower house prices when compared to average earnings.’

Hambleton in Yorkshire and The Humber is ranked fourth in the quality of life survey

Hambleton in Yorkshire and The Humber is ranked fourth in the quality of life survey

Hambleton in Yorkshire and The Humber is ranked fourth in the quality of life survey

Link hienalouca.com

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